overthinking

I really want to treat myself to some ice-cream today but idk.. at the same time I feel like I've been treating myself to comfort foods for the past two weeks, which has undoubtedly led to a little weight gain.
I'm ok with that. Much more ok than I would have been in the past. But still, I want to look after myself.
My fear now isn't gaining weight, it's that the weight gain will trigger something in me and bring back that unhealthy attitude with a stronger force than what it already is. As it is I can talk myself out of doing stupid things, but I remember not being able to do that in the past and I don't want to go back there.
Maybe I'll just get the ice-cream anyway to prove a point to myself.
Maybe I'll just stop over thinking it.

I made a really good friend since I started living here. TJ is great and I love them to bits.
I guess they're my best friend but I'd never tell em that lol. They know already I bet, it's not something they're not used to .

I feel like they're distancing themselves a bit from me though, we used to be way more cuddly, and it wasn't just me looking for closeness, but I think recently, TJ has started to see me as a bit of a threat which bums me out. Keeps making little jokes about me crushing on them and I feel like maybe they are worried it's true.

And I mean a threat in the way that, TJ is not in to girls and maybe they feel that I am feeling things for them just for the fact that I'm bi and can like girls and boys.

I do love TJ immensely but not like that at all. Not even. I could't even picture wanting to kiss them, all I want is that closeness. It's all severely platonic and soft and nice.

I care about them so much that I don't think I could ever even subconsciously want anything that would make them feel uncomfortable.

And maybe I'm just having a day where I over think fucking everything.