this song was always one of my favorites

Y’know those songs that just make you feel

This one is mine 

https://youtu.be/CK57wXM7yAk

night blogging- I can’t really sleep

I know that she wasn’t but it felt like she was so close to kissing me today. 

We do this thing where I nuzzle in to her neck and she nuzzles back, to the point where her nose is against mine or my cheek. 

The thing is that it’s so lovely that we are able to get that close without it being anything but platonic because we both understand. 

I mean sometimes it feels like she’s about to kiss me because of the proximity but I know she isn’t going to really which is why I’ll never lean in to it. 

I don’t really want to kiss her when I know that it’s not what she wants and it would make her so uncomfortable. 

I'm feeling really nice today.

My body feels healthier and much less groggy than the past few months.
Sam and I went on a five day cleanse with this store (detox kitchen and juice bar it's called) and they prepared all our meals for 5 days.
All veggies, smoothies and salads, no milk, cheese, eggs, sugar, caffeine, alcohol, gluten , nothing. Pure detox. I really needed this.
I learned some sweet recipes too along the way and so we're going to try and keep up the healthy habits (though slightly less intense, and with a cheat day - Mondays)
I even bought a couple healthy recipe books when I went to Barnes and Nobles the other day.

I have noticed that I have started gaining a little lately, and where I'm not obsessing over it, i wouldn't mind loosing it again. I'm not weighing myself though.

I don't know, I just feel nice today.

These recurring thoughts keep me awake to be honest.

You know there was a time where the plan was for me to come to the states and stay here until November and then move on. As I always do. 

It's November now and to be honest I can't face leaving. So I'm not.

I'm terrified that if I move again I'm going to drift away from some very important people to me. I had friends I'd see almost every day in Spain and now we barely text and half the time when we do I don't know what to say to them anymore.

I can't even consider that happening again, it makes me so sad I just can't ... 

I can't lose my best friend again.