Little big moments

Guys, Your comments made me smile so much.

The Eclipse was amazing.
It made me miss my dad and feel closer than ever to him at the same time. But I wasn't really sad.
I bought a lil chocolate cupcake to celebrate his birthday and sat on the grass of some pretty private property and watched the sun disappear behind the moon through the glass of a welding mask.
My dad used to be a welder. I wouldn't have watched it any other way.



I loved more than I can say that he Eclipse happened on the morning of his birthday.
I'm lucky enough that I've been alive for two Solar Eclipses now and the first one is one of my most vivid memories of him; standing in the garden next to him and my mother and my baby sister peering through the welding mask that felt so huge on my childlike head.

It's been over two year now since he died and it still feels strange sometimes. I don't think I'll ever get totally used to it, but I cling to moments like this that bring me happy nostalgia.

I love you dad. Happy birthday. 

Music on Mondays - Go Radio - Goodnight Moon

Go Radio - Goodnight Moon

I love this feeling.

I'm on mobile so idk how awkward the post formatting is going to be but let's hope it looks normal. 

Also I'm in the car and it's 5am. 

It's been so long since we've done this; get up at the crack of dawn and just drive. We're doing a mini road trip from SF to Tahoe and then to big Sur. 

I'm so excited (!!) 

When I fell in love with California.

Moving to another continent is pretty huge, or so I'm told. It doesn't feel like that big of a deal to me though. Maybe that's just because I decided to dive in and it's my life now though. 

I lived in Spain with my family for many years and I'm the kind of person who can't stay still. I have restless feet syndrome. I get it from my dad. 

I've always known that I wouldn't settle down before I saw my fair share of the world and I definitely wouldn't settle down in the same place I'd spent most of my life. The earth is way too big for that. 

There is a big step though, between wanting to live your life like that and actually going for it. 

And then I met Sam. Sam the traveler, with a thousand stories about the hundreds of places he's already seen, and I decided I wanted to be a part of his stories and the ones to come. 

I'd recently lost my job at the school where I had been working and so I decided to try, why not? i packed two suitcases and moved to California where Sam was. 

If worse comes to worse and it didn't work out, I would still have the memories of living in California and of all crazy experiences that go with that. I will never regret this no matter what happens and I knew that from the beginning. 

I had the best outcome imaginable though. I'm incredibly happy with my life right now and I'm meeting so many amazing people ^^  

When I lived in Spain

I just found some really old photos, aren't they beautiful? 

This is seaside in Almeria in the south of spain where I went to University. 

Sorry for all the photo spam but it was just such a beautiful sunset... The sea was pastel blue with pink reflecting off it from the sunlight that was bleeding down and it was breathtaking.

Music on Mondays - Bombay Bicycle Club - Always Like This -

Bombay Bicycle Club - Always Like This

Chilling in my pillow fort

I spent far too long in the shower today but self care, y'know.
I'm still low key thinking about piercing my nose. I didn't buy ice cream in the end the other day; instead I bought some lovely hummus and some carrots and sweet potato chips and it was so delicious ^^
And right now I'm enjoying some ginger and pear kombucha with chia seeds that Sammy, my adorable Argentinian life-partner, made at home.

So Sammy's friend came over from Germany a week or so ago, at it was really lovely to meet him to be honest. He's one of Sam's best friends ever and I can see why, he's pretty cool.

They are currently sharing the big bed which is cool as it means pillow fort on the floor for me, and let me tell you, I am SO excited to sleep surrounded by poofy blankets and pillows, I feel like such a child again.

Idk I've always enjoyed sleeping in weird places.  When I shared a flat in Spain I would alwaaaaay always sleep on the couch in the living room if my roommates weren't in.
Apparently it's genetic. My father had a love for that too and so does my older sister. And my younger sister once fell asleep in a wardrobe.

overthinking

I really want to treat myself to some ice-cream today but idk.. at the same time I feel like I've been treating myself to comfort foods for the past two weeks, which has undoubtedly led to a little weight gain.
I'm ok with that. Much more ok than I would have been in the past. But still, I want to look after myself.
My fear now isn't gaining weight, it's that the weight gain will trigger something in me and bring back that unhealthy attitude with a stronger force than what it already is. As it is I can talk myself out of doing stupid things, but I remember not being able to do that in the past and I don't want to go back there.
Maybe I'll just get the ice-cream anyway to prove a point to myself.
Maybe I'll just stop over thinking it.

I made a really good friend since I started living here. TJ is great and I love them to bits.
I guess they're my best friend but I'd never tell em that lol. They know already I bet, it's not something they're not used to .

I feel like they're distancing themselves a bit from me though, we used to be way more cuddly, and it wasn't just me looking for closeness, but I think recently, TJ has started to see me as a bit of a threat which bums me out. Keeps making little jokes about me crushing on them and I feel like maybe they are worried it's true.

And I mean a threat in the way that, TJ is not in to girls and maybe they feel that I am feeling things for them just for the fact that I'm bi and can like girls and boys.

I do love TJ immensely but not like that at all. Not even. I could't even picture wanting to kiss them, all I want is that closeness. It's all severely platonic and soft and nice.

I care about them so much that I don't think I could ever even subconsciously want anything that would make them feel uncomfortable.

And maybe I'm just having a day where I over think fucking everything.

Music on Mondays - You're Smilin (But I Don't Believe You) - Margaret Glaspy

You're Smilin (But I Don't Believe You) - Margaret Glaspy

I've recently discovered this lovely voice and it's just so sad and so lovely...

I was going to save this for a Monday but this song just makes me so Happy.

Please listen to it <3 

Dodie "sick of losing soulmates"

What a strange being you are, God knows where I would be

If you hadn't found me, sitting all alone in the dark

A dumb screenshot of youth

Watch how a cold broken teen

Will desperately lean on a superglued human of proof

What the hell would I be, without you

Brave face talk so lightly, hide the truth

....

I feel like I'm going to start binge-listening to Dodie all over again. All the f e e l s .

hi guys,
I'm having a bit of a weird day. Y'know when you feel a little insecure in your friendships and things like that because you realize that just because you feel super close to someone doesn't mean that it's all that to them. Like tbh they are that close, or closer, to all their other friends.  Which is wonderful and I love that they are like this so much, but I'm just having an aaaaaah im not special moment.
Which I guess I needed cos damn
get off your high horse. chill.

whatever.

I'm just just chilling right now, home alone, watching tattoo videos. I changed one of my earrings, and I feel pretty and I'm thinking about piercing my nose but I've worked so hard to have clear skin, I don't know if I want anything going on on my face. But then I kinda do.

I'm planning on getting another cartilage piercing so maybe I'll feel up to it then.

Imma shower and scrub my face and wash my hair any maybe feel a little less bleh if I look after myself a little bit.

love you guys.